Why should I perform your erotic capital?

The responses to my public writings about dating have been very varied. I’ve had lovely emails, article comments, and DMs from women and men who support and relate to my experiences about sexuality, gender and digital life more broadly. The trolls, incels, and conservatives who ‘believe in equal rights, just not feminism’ have also crawled…

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Toad Totem

Since Elliott’s harness arrived two weeks ago we have been enjoying daily jaunts outside. The first jaunt begins around 6-6.30 am, which I affectionately call “Morning Glory.” But prior to putting the pink flamingo straps around her neck and under her arms, there is much preparation. It’s amazing to see how intent she is to…

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Healing through Ink

A few hours ago, I made a mistake. I realized this while waiting for my tattoo artist to come downstairs with the design for my next piece. After she left, it was hard to concentrate on mundane things like looking at the people walking by on the street because I was caught in trauma’s sticky…

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Designing Calm During Covid-19

While clipping my fingernails in the bathroom sink a couple of days ago, I heard my neighbour across the hallway blow-drying her hair. For over a decade, I have listened to this sound almost every day. Yet, it struck me as something profoundly different that morning. It ceased being the white noise of apartment living…

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My Mother’s Jacket

Moving is fundamentally about deciding which material items stay and which go. Some of my decisions in this regard echo Marie Kondo’s joyful approach to “tidying up” in the sense that I actively engage in a dialogue about what my stuff means to me. Such discussions do not involve the items easily tossed into the…

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Kneel

Today I wrote a poem about the murder of Ahmaud Arbery, Atatiana Jefferson, and George Floyd who were living in Georgia, Texas, and Minnesota. The first line that came to me was: “in the heat of death nothing matters”, which I deleted from the finished product. It felt ridiculous to write about something I don’t…

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Edge of Seventeen

Candles were among my first Covid-19 home delivery items, along with a pumice stone and colloidal silver, long known to stimulate the immune system. Selecting a fragrance without smelling it was weird and as my indecisiveness crept in, I realized that it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that I was taking forever to decide, no…

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Dueling Narratives: Restitution, Chaos & …

My mind whirs less and attaches itself to familiar things. Work is finally possible, previously purchased food is eaten, and love still flows. This slowing down has been tempered, however, by another feeling that has surfaced: guilt. In unprecedented times, letting my guard down signals danger to the ancient flight-fight response system that streams through…

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Do you ever feel like Bumble is putting the sting back into the sex wars? #MeToo

I chose to go on Bumble because it came with the promise of a fem-forward, sex positive, not-so-stigmatized route towards dating, tristes and maybe something more solid. I appreciated Bumble’s appeal to professionals (or just people with functioning cortexes) and promise of a first-ever feminist-oriented algorithm and method of connecting. However, as I scrolled and…

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The puzzling case of men’s online dating profiles

Wild, wonderful and absolutely bizarre – that’s how my book begins its explanation of the profiles I encountered during my five months on Bumble. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but trying to figure out what my male counterparts’ pictures were portraying was more difficult than locating non-abstract facial features in a Picasso.…

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