Why should I perform your erotic capital?

The responses to my public writings about dating have been very varied. I’ve had lovely emails, article comments, and DMs from women and men who support and relate to my experiences about sexuality, gender and digital life more broadly. The trolls, incels, and conservatives who ‘believe in equal rights, just not feminism’ have also crawled…

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Toad Totem

Since Elliott’s harness arrived two weeks ago we have been enjoying daily jaunts outside. The first jaunt begins around 6-6.30 am, which I affectionately call “Morning Glory.” But prior to putting the pink flamingo straps around her neck and under her arms, there is much preparation. It’s amazing to see how intent she is to…

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My Mother’s Jacket

Moving is fundamentally about deciding which material items stay and which go. Some of my decisions in this regard echo Marie Kondo’s joyful approach to “tidying up” in the sense that I actively engage in a dialogue about what my stuff means to me. Such discussions do not involve the items easily tossed into the…

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Graduation

‘Tis the season of scholastic celebration. Images of young women in generic capes holding flowers and little kids saying goodbye on their final class zoom call are flooding the socials. It’s much rarer to see pictures of young men in their cap and gowns, which is interesting. I graduated high school in 1990, when acid…

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Kneel

Today I wrote a poem about the murder of Ahmaud Arbery, Atatiana Jefferson, and George Floyd who were living in Georgia, Texas, and Minnesota. The first line that came to me was: “in the heat of death nothing matters”, which I deleted from the finished product. It felt ridiculous to write about something I don’t…

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Edge of Seventeen

Candles were among my first Covid-19 home delivery items, along with a pumice stone and colloidal silver, long known to stimulate the immune system. Selecting a fragrance without smelling it was weird and as my indecisiveness crept in, I realized that it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that I was taking forever to decide, no…

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Dueling Narratives: Restitution, Chaos & …

My mind whirs less and attaches itself to familiar things. Work is finally possible, previously purchased food is eaten, and love still flows. This slowing down has been tempered, however, by another feeling that has surfaced: guilt. In unprecedented times, letting my guard down signals danger to the ancient flight-fight response system that streams through…

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Top Types of Bumble Men: Nice Men who Travel…and More

I’ve written and thought a lot about the men I met and observed while scrolling through the Bumbleverse. Men choose a staggeringly diverse array of images, in terms of number, quality, and content. But, a few key types emerged, including the “Chill Adventurer” that I discussed a few blogs ago. Here, I want to share…

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Enough of the ideological stuff (for now) let’s get into the stick of it.

So far, I’ve reflected on some of the weird and frustrating aspects of my five months within the Hive. But, now I want to share more of the personal side of my experiences using Bumble in a fumbling attempt to search, flirt, date and do what bunnies do. Please join me in a tantalizing travel…

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Do you ever feel like Bumble is putting the sting back into the sex wars? #MeToo

I chose to go on Bumble because it came with the promise of a fem-forward, sex positive, not-so-stigmatized route towards dating, tristes and maybe something more solid. I appreciated Bumble’s appeal to professionals (or just people with functioning cortexes) and promise of a first-ever feminist-oriented algorithm and method of connecting. However, as I scrolled and…

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