Posts The puzzling case of men’s online dating profiles

The puzzling case of men’s online dating profiles

by treenaorchard
Like in many Bumble and online dating profiles, here we see a chill dude holding a fish

Wild, wonderful and absolutely bizarre – that’s how my book begins its explanation of the profiles I encountered during my five months on Bumble. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but trying to figure out what my male counterparts’ pictures were portraying was more difficult than locating non-abstract facial features in a Picasso.

At first, my key takeaway was that women tended to put far more effort into their profiles. Not only did I carefully cultivate my bio, but I also spent a great deal of time choosing and re-choosing photos that communicated who I am. For example, I wanted to show that I like animals, so I featured my cats. My nephews made the cut because I love them – and children in general – but don’t have any of my own. Yoga was also important to feature, because I love it and know how important fitness is to the men I want to meet.

I also made sure my images weren’t a blurry mirror selfie or poorly lit snap that misconstrued (or totally hid) the way I look. I’m not a believer in catfishing—why lie? They’re going to find out IF there is an IRL rendezvous…then what? Although this profile creation, and recreation, did incite a sense of anxiety (will they like THIS pic better? THIS emoji?) I thought it was necessary to attract the quality of bees I was after.

That’s the whole point of the app, right? To find someone who shares your interests and who you find attractive…

Well, apparently, the boy bees don’t seem to share this opinion. It would be generous to say that about 25% of the men I encountered tried to convey a thoughtful version of themselves. What I mean by that is they chose good photos and actually filled in the bio space coherently to let me know who they are, what they are into, and what they’re looking for.

Now I know a little double chin never killed anyone, but can you please tell me why soooo many guys take the up-the-neck shot? Is it because they’re embarrassed to take selfies? Quick, do it now at the red light (most of these pics are in the car)! What about eyes nearly closed or mouths clearly mid-conversation or meal?

Don’t get me started on the poses. Trust me, you are not “flexing on these hoes” when you are standing in a dirty bathroom with your ripped boxers half exposed, showing off muscles that look more like damp noodles than dashing body parts.

But, enough of the overarching findings, let’s talk about the TOP kind of guy I encountered on Bumble?

Meet the “Chill Adventurer: the “alpha male” of online dating 

This was far and away the most common way men presented themselves, visually and in their profiles. If you’ve ever been searching for your honey via swiping, I am almost certain you have run into the chill adventurer. This guy presents himself as always active, often travelling outdoors, but also uber chill.

Of course, the chill adventurer doesn’t care about curating an overly quality/attractive profile, because that would be, like, not chill of him. Equipped with his ripped shirt and dirty shorts, he’s very likely a high-flying rock climber or an avid hiker, boater or – lest we forget – fisherman.

How about all the dudes holding tiny fish at flattering angles trying to make objects appear bigger than they are? 

What’s chillabout his profile? The ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ vibe reflects not only his way of life but also, of course, what he’s looking for in a partner. He wants a girl who’s “chill”, “down to earth”, but who’s also “always up for an adventure.” That could be a tall order—someone who is totally engaged and active but also totally not…

If you want to Netflix and chill or have superficial conversations and grill, this man just may be for you. But, don’t dare ask him what his intentions are, or search for commitmentbeyond his Birkenstocks and belay – otherwise, you’ll be put down faster than his paddle when he needs to swap it for a Bud Light.

In my next blog, I will explore even more types (there are 20 in total, so get ready) and insights gleaned from other kinds of profiles.

But before I commence my lengthy (could be endless) commentary, I must know, who have you encountered online? What caught your attention and what scared you away (or made you burst out laughing)? Ladies and gentlemen, we’d love to hear who you’re swiping left and right on!

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Dr. Treena Orchard

London, Ontario

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